Becky – no, that’s not her real name – is the sister of a good friend of mine. Destructive Mind deals with a time when I got to know two sides of her.
Side one: what in god’s name are you doing to yourself?
Side two: what in god’s name are you doing to me?
The song is split into two parts – Waste and How come you never look at me? – one sung, the other spoken. Actually, the lyrics were always planned this way. However, its original title was Waste which has now become the name of the first part.
The song’s final title is nothing but the conclusion I’ve drawn from reading the lyrics again and again and from one particular conversation with Becky. She seems to me to be as fragile as glass. One day we stood on a high platform and she asked me: Do you think one might die when jumping down? I suppose she has some kind of a destructive mind.
Before explaining the lyrics I have to say that Becky and Bino know and don’t know each other. What does that mean? Well, they stay in contact for awhile, meet for a drink and then there’s silence. They don’t have any contact for months.
Waste is about Bino seeing Becky after sometime, comparing her to the image of her that’s been in his mind all the time. Life has not been good to Becky is the unavoidable conclusion. Or Becky has not been good to herself. She’s one year younger than Bino who – at the time of writing the lyrics – was 22 but looks older, especially when wearing no make-up.
He always felt some kind of connection between her and him. What did she feel? If only he knew…Still, he wanted to be with her, in any way whatsoever. Love her or just be there for her which explains the lines:
I wanna see
I wanna feel
I wanna hold you today
He never got the chance. And that’s what How come you never look at me? is about.
It’s about the time shortly after seeing Becky again; the time when he asks himself Why did I do this to me? Why did she do this to me?
It’s just Bino ranting about having been hurt again. About not being allowed to be there for her in any way. About being afraid to fall in love. About being afraid to be with her. About being afraid the fragile Becky might fall one day, breaking into a thousand pieces. Lying on the floor, shattered…broken…
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.
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